Lindsay Melhoff

I am one of those people that needs reassurance to buy a new bag or pair of shoes.  Decisions, even the smallest of ones, are not easily made unless I have some input from others.  Regardless of this input, regardless of whether I’m told to buy the bag or not, I make the decision I would have made in any case.  It often seems that the input I routinely seek doesn’t sway my decision in either direction, but reinforces the one I had already made.  But times come when, in hindsight, I wonder if I made the right choice.  I’m sure we all second guess ourselves, but it’s the big decisions that seem to live forever in my mind. 

It’s the decisions that are hard to carry out or follow through with that I often find myself second guessing (not surprisingly).   I periodically wonder what if I had chosen otherwise?  Would things be monumentally improved, or just different?  I guess in the end, we need to stick to our decisions and make the best of them, despite the ever increasing urge to just run home.  I may not be home yet, but I’m closer today than I was yesterday. 

As Franklin D. Roosevelt once said: “When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”

My rope is muddled with knots, but I suppose I have one more in me.  I have to continuously remind myself that it’ll all be worth it in the end. 

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote and I was not sure how to start again. In my hesitation, I turned to my everlasting source of inspiration, quotes. What draws me back to quotes is that sublime feeling when you read a quote that hits home in a very personal way. It’s almost like someone, whoever, is writing about you. Writing about the experiences you are having or about to embark on. It provides me with an assurance that I am not alone; someone else, somewhere else and at some other time experienced what I am experiencing and was able to immortalize those feelings through eloquent words.

Today, I stumbled across the following quote by Mark Victor Hansen, an American motivational speaker:

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

Things might not be perfect, or exactly as I wish they were, but they are pretty damn good and I’m going to leave this experience a better person, and lawyer for that matter. Although I’m sure at times I won’t always feel this way, and perhaps even have a regret or two, it will all be worth it in the end. Most importantly, I’m so thankful to have an understanding boyfriend that supports my dreams unconditionally.

“It’s a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation” - said by Roberto Benigni.

Gratitude and appreciation often get left at the curb.  It seems like in today’s capitalist society, the notion of doing someone a favor is long gone and gratitude is even closer to extinction.  For most people, a simple thank-you and I appreciate your efforts would suffice, but this once noble and frequent courtesy has somehow been lost in the times. Gratitude is slipping, both internally and externally. It is not just unlikely to encounter gratitude out in the world, but it is just as uncommon in your own home.

I’m sure everyone’s experienced one of those days where no matter what you say or do, things just stay gloomy. Being grateful in those times is the challenge. It is easy to be thankful when things are going your way, but in tough times, gratitude is even more scarce than usual.

Sarah Ban Breathnach wrote a book nearly ten years ago called Simple Abundance, which helps its reader become a more grateful person. She is insistent that gratitude can change your life, in a huge way. She challenges the reader to keep a Gratitude Journal and write down five things each day that they are grateful for. And it’s not just the big things; it’s not just health, happiness and love that one should be grateful for but the little things that make life worthwhile.

So I challenge you to do the same, whether five a day or five a week, take time to be grateful and, like Ban Breathnack says, it will change you life.

It’s been a while since I’ve written, and not for lack of caring but for lack of time and perhaps insight. I’m not convinced that anybody but myself (and perhaps my family) reads this but today I’ve had a bit of an epiphany that I’d thought I’d share. Yesterday was possibly one of the worst days I’ve had in a really long time. I won’t bore you with the details but I’ve come to the conclusion that my attitude regarding the things gone awry can make a huge difference.

“Being positive or negative are habits of thoughts that have a very strong influence on life.” - unknown author.

There are things in my near future that I’m not looking forward to, or things in the recent past that I regret. In any respect, these things happened or are going to and my outlook can drastically change how they affect my life. If you go into something thinking that it will be horrible, then it definitely will be. But a positive attitude gives you a fighting chance at turning undesirables into “not so bad”. And “not so bad” is totally doable.

So my epiphany is positivity. And hold me to it! From this day forward, it’s rays of sunshine and glimmers of hope, at least theoretically.

So I thought I had it all figured out.  But boy was I wrong.  Why do things at this point in life need to be so complicated?  Where are the black and white, straight-forward answers? 

“A goal without a plan is just a wish”, said by French writer and aviator, Antoine de Saint-Exupery. 

I had a plan, something everyone needs if they want to succeed.  But now I doubt that plan and what I really want.  Swift Current is my home and what seemed like just another year only a few months ago, now seems like an eternity, and one I’m no longer willing to embark on.  So what do I do?  Assuming I even have options, do I back out on what I’ve already agreed to, for the sake of my happiness and sanity?  Or do I suck it up and follow through with what I’ve signed up for? 

The problem is, I strongly believe that my work will suffer if I’m unhappy with the circumstances, and anyone who knows me, knows that I like to put my best foot forward.  I guess it’s more a question of morals then anything.  I’m not sure of the accompanying feelings that I would have to deal with if I backed out.  Quitting, other than smoking, is not something I’m very familiar with and don’t think I want to be.  Perhaps not knowing is normal though.  Do people really know from a young age, or even a not young, but not old age like myself, what they want?  I’m not convinced.

Bertrand Arthur William Russell, a Welsh philosopher, logician and mathematician, once said: “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubt”.

What a week.  I’m just restless at work and at home too.  It’s not that I don’t have enough work to do but just that I’m bored with it.  I’m not being challenged enough and consequently I’m having a hard time getting motivated.  I’m anxious and unable to focus for long periods of time.  What’s with this?  Is this merely a sign of boredom?  Or is there something more to it?

Thomas Edison, the American inventor, once said “Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress”.

 I’m not sure about this.  I agree that restlessness is discontent…it’s nearly painful at times.  But will my discontent lead to some magical progress?  Perhaps my discontent will force me to push through to the finish line.  Although I’m not convinced Edison’s words apply to my current situation, they definitely contain some wisdom.  From his perspective, as the inventor of the light bulb, it takes some amount of discontent or frustration to force oneself to think outside the box and bigger than ever. 

That’s what I need…a little out-of-the-box-thinking to get me through this week.  At least I have tonight to look forward too.  Girls Night!

“It is not that some people have willpower and some don’t.  It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not” - said by James Gordon, and no, not the James Gordon police commissioner of Gotham City from the Batman comics, but James Gordon, the professor.

When I come across someone who has changed their life around so dramatically, it makes me feel like anything is possible.  It evokes this sense of pride in me, even though I had absolutely nothing to do with the change.  It is inspiring and motivating to see someone come full circle.  It makes me want to become a better person; it makes me want to embark on a similar journey of self-realization. 

But it also makes me wonder how and why?  Was there a catalystic event?  Was there a rock-bottom?  Do you need to hit rock-bottom in order to make such a life-changing metamorphesis?  And how does the change occur?  Is it gradual or just a wake-up-in-the-morning-feeling-different kind of thing?  

In any event, it’s remarkable and seeing or hearing about how one person has changed their life around only makes me want to do better with my own.  I wonder if when you are going through such an enormous life change, do you realize the impact it may have on others?  Do you realize that you will cause this subsequent inspiration and optimism in others?  If he can do it, then why can’t others?    

“Change your thoughts and you change your world” - said by Norman Vincent Peale, a Christian preacher and author.

I’ve always loved that quote.  It reminds me of sunshine and a world of opportunities.  It reminds me that no matter how dark things are looking, our perspectives can change the world as we know it.  Our perspectives and what we say to ourselves can change everything, for the better or for the worse. 

Rev. Will Bowen of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City has started a campaign called A Complaint Free World.  The whole premise is to get people to stop complaining.  It not only benefits others (they don’t have to listen to you complain) but it can completely change your outlook on life.  Just imagine how constantly focusing on the positive and not dwelling on the negative could change you.  The campaign can be found at www.acomplaintfreeworld.org.  The challenge is to go 21 days without complaining.  Check out the website, order a bracelet, start the challenge and let me know how you make out. 

Take inspiration from others’ success.  Live a life you’re proud of and one that will inspire others to do the same.  Thanks for the inspiration CC!

Holidays are marvelous things but coming home afterwards is even better.  Although I thoroughly enjoyed our trip to QC (which is well documented here on my blog), it’s so nice to back in the comforts of home.  Back to Dustin, back to Bruiser and back to work.  Yes, even work.  More because it means making money to pay off some deserving debts, but yet still happy to be back at work. 

“Not going home is already like death” - said by E. Catherine Tobler, a young writer from Colorado.

And the house.  I can’t forget about our cute little house.  Well, not ours yet, but hopefully soon.  Cleaning up, inside and out, planting flowers and doing laundry has never been so fun!  Sarcasm aside, home is home and being here is great.  But now the countdown is on for the next holiday.  Maybe camping??  Anyone in for a group camping trip?  I could handle a lil’ roughing it in Cypress or somewhere.  Maybe Fernie??  I know a hot broad there that may be so inclined to show us around?! 

Is being polite a courtesy we owe to each and every individual?  Of course…but how far does that courtesy extend?  Is there more than just a duty to be pleasant, but an obligation to take the extra step towards friendship?  Should we not be allowed to chose our own friends, without having to take every acquiantance in?  Is being decent to avoid conflicts two-faced? 

Should I act the way I feel, regardless of the feelings it may hurt or the awkwardness it may cause?  That would ensure the stop of accusations of being two-faced.  But at what price?  It doesn’t really bother me to be called childish names by others, but this is more of a moral dilemma on courtesy. 

“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” - said by the one and only Abraham Lincoln.

I sometimes feel like friends ask too much of their friends.  It’s one thing to ask something to be pleasant and decent, which is something we owe to every soul on the earth, but it’s a completely different burden to ask someone to become friends or have sleep-overs.  Ok that last one was a bit of a stretch but that’s the frustration I’m feeling at the moment.  It’s not that I don’t get along with most people, because I do but I adamantly refuse to get all buddy-buddy with someone who’s not my buddy.  Friends can’t force their friends to get close to someone through association or guilt.  Certain people are just not ment to be friends and no amount of force can change that.

So I’m at the fork in the road and need to choose the correct path.  (1) I can be truthful with my feelings and cut the pleasant bullshit, which will definitely put an end to any misconceptions, but will likely cause strain to others.  (2) I can continue being pleasant but still stand my ground on the buddy-buddy front.  Or (3) I can lay down and pretend to be friends with someone who I am really not crazy about, therefore pleasing some, but severely deceiving others.  So what to do?  I’ll likely choose the middle path. 

“The price of greatness is responsibility” - said by the one and only Winston Churchill, author, 1953 Nobel Prize in Literature winner and UK PM.

I’ve been wanting more responsibility and less meaningless tasks to show my competence and intellect.  But now that I’ve gotten what I’ve asked for, I’m a little apprehensive about my abilities.  I don’t doubt that I have the requisite skills and knowledge to perform the task, but given that it’s my first real file, I want to shine.  I take some solice in the fact that the subject area is one I am well versed in.

Franklin D Roosevelt, the US’s 32nd President from 1933-1945 said while counselling Frances Perkins, the US Secretary of Labour and the first woman appointed to cabinet: “One thing is sure.  We have to do something.  We have to do the best we know how at the moment…;  If it doesn’t turn out right, we can modify it as we go along”.

There’s real wisdom in his words.  The best I can do is the best I can do and whatever short-comings I have can be modified along the way.  I need to have the confidence that I can rock this file…the same confidence a bright co-worker has in me.

“Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared to our own private opinion.  What a man thinks of himself, that is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate” - said by Henry David Thoreau, an American author known for his writtings on resistance of civil government.

 The view I take of myself will ultimately lead the way to my success.  I need to have confidence now and at the same time, accept those things I do not know.  You’ll see…I’ll rock this file right back to Regina!